I was home for Thanksgiving on Thursday and Friday and had the chance to see some extended family members who haven’t seen me since I’ve lost a significant amount of weight (37 lbs at last weigh-in, but probably more like 40 now). They were all so great, telling me how wonderful I look and what a great job I’m doing with the weight loss. It felt awesome. I mean, I HAVE been busting my butt over the past few months and I’ve had incredible success. Shoot, sometimes even I can’t believe how far I’ve come in such a short period of time. I’m down 3 pants sizes. That’s pretty cool.
My mom, who has been so supportive of me through this weight loss process, told me that she’d take me to Old Navy to buy me a few new things. Like any woman who loves shopping and now has a pretty small wardrobe, I said, “Heck yes!” So off to Old Navy we drove to hunt for some jeans and maybe a new top or two.
I grabbed a bunch of pants and some shirts and headed to the dressing room. That’s where things took a turn for the worse. I don’t know if I’m not meant to wear Old Navy pants or what, but they all looked terrible. One size is too big, one size is too small. They’re cut wrong. They’re baggy in places and tight in others. It just wasn’t what I wanted to see. I was so frustrated because I had all kinds of high hopes that I would walk out with an amazing pair of jeans that would make me feel hot and stylish. Mission failed.
I think what was making me more upset than a cheap pair of jeans not fitting me correctly was that even though I’ve lost a bunch of weight, I still hate the way I look. I’m not happy with my body. Every rational part of my mind tells me that losing weight is a marathon, not a sprint, and that I can’t expect to lose the amount of weight I need to lose in such a short period of time, but my irrational, emotional side just wants to be thin already. I’ve lived my whole life overweight. Don’t I deserve to have one moment of shopping happiness and really like the way I look?
So needless to say I’ve had a really hard weekend, emotionally. I haven’t worked out. I haven’t really wanted to leave my apartment. I’ve cried a lot. I’m not eating poorly, which is a good thing, but I’m certainly not taking any strides to get my ass in gear and exercise. Right or wrong, I think it’s what I need right now. I have a training appointment with Rob tomorrow, so I have no choice but to haul my butt to the gym, but honestly? Right now, I’m okay wallowing.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Shopping Success
I was in desperate need of some new, moderately stylish clothes since I have absolutely nothing in my closet these days that fits my newly shrunken body.
Enter Kenosha outlet malls!
I was able to snag a few dresses to wear to work and a really cute dress for my company holiday party. Yeah, yeah... all fine and great, but the best part? I now fit into regular sized clothing easily. That's a big deal for me. I was always in 85% plus sized clothes with a smattering of things I could pick up at Target or Old Navy that just happen to run really big, but now EVERYTHING fits in the regular stores.
It's pretty awesome.
Enter Kenosha outlet malls!
I was able to snag a few dresses to wear to work and a really cute dress for my company holiday party. Yeah, yeah... all fine and great, but the best part? I now fit into regular sized clothing easily. That's a big deal for me. I was always in 85% plus sized clothes with a smattering of things I could pick up at Target or Old Navy that just happen to run really big, but now EVERYTHING fits in the regular stores.
It's pretty awesome.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Doing My Part to Motivate the Masses
I’ve never, ever been inspiration for someone else, however, with this weight loss journey, I find more and more people telling me that I’ve made them motivated to start working out and eating better. It’s kind of a trip!
My co-worker D, who is overweight, told me yesterday that her 5-year-old daughter was watching TV with her husband and a diet pill commercial came on. The daughter said, “Mommy should use that. She’s so big!” The co-worker’s husband told D about the exchange with their daughter, so D decided to ask her daughter about it. She said, “Do you think Mommy is too big? Are you embarrassed by me?” The daughter replied truthfully, as we all know kids are prone to do, with a “Yes. Sometimes you embarrass me.”
D continued to say that hearing that statement from her daughter was her “wow” moment. The moment where something flips in your brain and you know that you are going to do whatever it takes to lose the weight. She said she had done it before with the assistance of fen-phen, but fen-phen is a crazy drug that causes potentially fatal pulmonary hypertension and heart valve problems and eventually led to their withdrawal and legal damages of over $13 billion. Yeah. Not healthy. This time she’s joining Weight Watchers and is really motivated to lose the weight the right way. She said she’s seen how well I’m doing with my diet and exercise plan and I’ve inspired her to get on board with losing weight.
I told D that I know how hard it is to diet. Food isn’t fun anymore. It’s looked at something to fuel your body. The days of eating fast food and pizza and soda and sugary coffee drinks are over. I also said that I’d be willing to talk to her whenever she’s having a hard time with the diet, walk with her on our lunch hour… whatever it takes. My friends and family have been so unbelievably supportive of my weight loss that I can only hope to be supportive of another person’s journey, too.
My co-worker D, who is overweight, told me yesterday that her 5-year-old daughter was watching TV with her husband and a diet pill commercial came on. The daughter said, “Mommy should use that. She’s so big!” The co-worker’s husband told D about the exchange with their daughter, so D decided to ask her daughter about it. She said, “Do you think Mommy is too big? Are you embarrassed by me?” The daughter replied truthfully, as we all know kids are prone to do, with a “Yes. Sometimes you embarrass me.”
D continued to say that hearing that statement from her daughter was her “wow” moment. The moment where something flips in your brain and you know that you are going to do whatever it takes to lose the weight. She said she had done it before with the assistance of fen-phen, but fen-phen is a crazy drug that causes potentially fatal pulmonary hypertension and heart valve problems and eventually led to their withdrawal and legal damages of over $13 billion. Yeah. Not healthy. This time she’s joining Weight Watchers and is really motivated to lose the weight the right way. She said she’s seen how well I’m doing with my diet and exercise plan and I’ve inspired her to get on board with losing weight.
I told D that I know how hard it is to diet. Food isn’t fun anymore. It’s looked at something to fuel your body. The days of eating fast food and pizza and soda and sugary coffee drinks are over. I also said that I’d be willing to talk to her whenever she’s having a hard time with the diet, walk with her on our lunch hour… whatever it takes. My friends and family have been so unbelievably supportive of my weight loss that I can only hope to be supportive of another person’s journey, too.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Living in a Perpetual State of Sore.
Since starting this whole workout plan I can’t remember a day passing where some part of my body isn’t sore. If it’s not my quads, it’s my arms. Or my shoulders. Or my abs. Or my hamstrings. Christ… Either I’m now getting the most ridiculous full-body workout or I had what could be the most untoned body of all time prior to starting Rob’s workout regime.
I shouldn’t complain. I know I’m getting an incredibly good workout and that it’s a GOOD thing that I’m feeling all these muscles I never knew I had, but seriously. When will I ever wake up, stretch and not feel sore?
I shouldn’t complain. I know I’m getting an incredibly good workout and that it’s a GOOD thing that I’m feeling all these muscles I never knew I had, but seriously. When will I ever wake up, stretch and not feel sore?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Flashin' Fashion Show
One of my girlfriends was feeling a little blue last week, so we decided to have a girlie night in at my apartment, order sushi and hang out. After we gossiped and talked for awhile I was like, "I know what will make you feel better. I'll give you guys a fashion show of all my fat clothes." Their response - "YES!"
So my three girlfriends all lined up on my bed and watched me pull on all my fat clothes. I'm talking pants that are now 2 full sizes too big, dresses that droop so low my tatas were hanging out and shirts that have armpit holes large enough to easily showcase my undergarments. Now, I know that I've lost weight, but to see how huge some of my favorite clothes had become was such a "wow" moment. Actually, truth be told I had a bit of a moment myself and got a little misty. I was so proud of how much weight I've lost (33 lbs as of Friday) and how much better I must look.
My friends were hilarious. They kept saying, "I can't believe you fit into that!" and "This is so funny!" but you know what? Its almost a little sad. Its sad that when I fit into some of those dresses and shirts, I really felt like I looked great. I know I look much better, but I still have a long road ahead of me.
Today I bagged up almost 3 garbage bags full of clothes that are just unwearable. I can belt some stuff to make it work (thank goodness dresses are pretty forgiving), but I did cave and buy a few new things. After my boss' boss told me to "Get a pair of pants that fucking fit" I went to Old Navy and bought a pair of gray dress pants and a really basic black suit. Yes, my waredrobe is pretty meager right now, but I just need a few things to get me by until I drop more weight. And when I'm down to the size I want to wear, you better watch out! I'm going to have one killer waredrobe!
So my three girlfriends all lined up on my bed and watched me pull on all my fat clothes. I'm talking pants that are now 2 full sizes too big, dresses that droop so low my tatas were hanging out and shirts that have armpit holes large enough to easily showcase my undergarments. Now, I know that I've lost weight, but to see how huge some of my favorite clothes had become was such a "wow" moment. Actually, truth be told I had a bit of a moment myself and got a little misty. I was so proud of how much weight I've lost (33 lbs as of Friday) and how much better I must look.
My friends were hilarious. They kept saying, "I can't believe you fit into that!" and "This is so funny!" but you know what? Its almost a little sad. Its sad that when I fit into some of those dresses and shirts, I really felt like I looked great. I know I look much better, but I still have a long road ahead of me.
Today I bagged up almost 3 garbage bags full of clothes that are just unwearable. I can belt some stuff to make it work (thank goodness dresses are pretty forgiving), but I did cave and buy a few new things. After my boss' boss told me to "Get a pair of pants that fucking fit" I went to Old Navy and bought a pair of gray dress pants and a really basic black suit. Yes, my waredrobe is pretty meager right now, but I just need a few things to get me by until I drop more weight. And when I'm down to the size I want to wear, you better watch out! I'm going to have one killer waredrobe!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Fat Jail - Live, from Mandi's Blog
Mandi and I were chatting on Monday after our workout about how much our lives have changed on the social front since we've been dieting. Mandi equates our new lifestyle to being in "Fat Jail." It sounds bad, but its actually not too far off from how I feel lately. And since she beat me to posting about it in her blog, I'm going to cut and paste her post from her blog found at http://www.mybigfatblogchicago.com. I couldn't have said it better myself, Mandi!
Originally posted on Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Life's Hard When You Are In "Fat Jail"
I was having a discussion with my workout buddy Angie about how our lives have been so boring lately, because we can't be out eating and drinking and being the social butterflies that we are. It's really hard. But, I am pretty sure the constant eating out and drinking was the biggest contributor to making us fat. So, therefore, it is something that needs to be avoided at all costs. At least until we are further along in the program.
I was like, "Girl, we are in fat jail and you are just going to need to deal with it. We were really bad for a really long time and now we are being punished. That punishment is that we need to be sticking to the program for the next couple of months and if that means we don't get to go out, then we don't get to go out. All of our friends love us and support us and know we are doing this for the right reasons, so we just need to get over it and do it."
To which Angie replied, "I know, I know. But, dude, fat jail sucks."
And she is right. Fat jail does, in fact, really suck. I want to go out. Not just one night per week, but 4-5. I want to have a cocktail (or 4) every day. I want a FUCKING BURRITO. Just one. With extra everything, hold the lettuce.
I want to do all the fun and fabulous things that all of my fun and fabulous friends are doing. But, I can't. And I have accepted it. I have accepted my fat jail sentence. After all, I do deserve it. However, just like real jail, I have learned that you can make your fat jail sentence shorter with good behavior. The harder I work and the harder I stick to the plan, the faster I will meet my goal and be able to join the rest of the population. That day could not get here sooner!
Originally posted on Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Life's Hard When You Are In "Fat Jail"
I was having a discussion with my workout buddy Angie about how our lives have been so boring lately, because we can't be out eating and drinking and being the social butterflies that we are. It's really hard. But, I am pretty sure the constant eating out and drinking was the biggest contributor to making us fat. So, therefore, it is something that needs to be avoided at all costs. At least until we are further along in the program.
I was like, "Girl, we are in fat jail and you are just going to need to deal with it. We were really bad for a really long time and now we are being punished. That punishment is that we need to be sticking to the program for the next couple of months and if that means we don't get to go out, then we don't get to go out. All of our friends love us and support us and know we are doing this for the right reasons, so we just need to get over it and do it."
To which Angie replied, "I know, I know. But, dude, fat jail sucks."
And she is right. Fat jail does, in fact, really suck. I want to go out. Not just one night per week, but 4-5. I want to have a cocktail (or 4) every day. I want a FUCKING BURRITO. Just one. With extra everything, hold the lettuce.
I want to do all the fun and fabulous things that all of my fun and fabulous friends are doing. But, I can't. And I have accepted it. I have accepted my fat jail sentence. After all, I do deserve it. However, just like real jail, I have learned that you can make your fat jail sentence shorter with good behavior. The harder I work and the harder I stick to the plan, the faster I will meet my goal and be able to join the rest of the population. That day could not get here sooner!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Broken
I knew it would happen sooner or later. Mostly because I’m not the most coordinated gal around, but also because when you dive headfirst into an exercise routine, there’s the possibility that your body might not agree with what you’re doing.
I’m injured.
Ok, I’m not REALLY injured, but I do have a sore rotator cuff that has been nagging me for about a week. It could be a lot worse. I’ve dealt with a ridiculous knee injury in the past (I tore my ACL and MCL and had almost all of the cartilage removed from my right knee after a nasty spill my freshman year in college), so I know I’m not on my deathbed or anything, but it’s annoying.
Things got particularly tough on Monday night at my training session with Rob. I was doing overhead seesaw presses and the shoulder started to really hurt and become generally uncomfortable. Rob stopped me right away and said no more overhead stuff or arm work, which frustrated me. I mean, I’m paying this dude to kick my ass, right? I WANT to do everything on the workout agenda. However, after Rob explained that he’d rather err on the side of caution because if I push too hard with a sore shoulder and actually really hurt myself, I’d be out of commission for a heck of a lot longer than just a few days. He’s right. I hate it when he’s right.
Of course I got crabby and a little mean (shocker, right?) and pissed and moaned through the rest of the workout, doing easier stuff while Mandi did the actual workout.
Yesterday? Still sore.
Today? Much better.
Rob told me he’s going to do a workout for Mandi and me today with my shoulder in mind, so I foresee many, many squats and lunges in my future. But you know what? That’s why I like working out with Rob. He adjusts to our needs and makes me not feel like a complete weakling for getting a little banged up. And you can bet your bottom dollar that tonight’s workout will be brutal even if it doesn’t have any shoulder work.
I’m injured.
Ok, I’m not REALLY injured, but I do have a sore rotator cuff that has been nagging me for about a week. It could be a lot worse. I’ve dealt with a ridiculous knee injury in the past (I tore my ACL and MCL and had almost all of the cartilage removed from my right knee after a nasty spill my freshman year in college), so I know I’m not on my deathbed or anything, but it’s annoying.
Things got particularly tough on Monday night at my training session with Rob. I was doing overhead seesaw presses and the shoulder started to really hurt and become generally uncomfortable. Rob stopped me right away and said no more overhead stuff or arm work, which frustrated me. I mean, I’m paying this dude to kick my ass, right? I WANT to do everything on the workout agenda. However, after Rob explained that he’d rather err on the side of caution because if I push too hard with a sore shoulder and actually really hurt myself, I’d be out of commission for a heck of a lot longer than just a few days. He’s right. I hate it when he’s right.
Of course I got crabby and a little mean (shocker, right?) and pissed and moaned through the rest of the workout, doing easier stuff while Mandi did the actual workout.
Yesterday? Still sore.
Today? Much better.
Rob told me he’s going to do a workout for Mandi and me today with my shoulder in mind, so I foresee many, many squats and lunges in my future. But you know what? That’s why I like working out with Rob. He adjusts to our needs and makes me not feel like a complete weakling for getting a little banged up. And you can bet your bottom dollar that tonight’s workout will be brutal even if it doesn’t have any shoulder work.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Weekend Warrior
Venturing back out into the “real world” a bit has been interesting. On one hand, I’ve had a lot of success (28 lbs!) following a super-duper strict diet, but I also miss seeing my friends on the weekends, eating at restaurants and going to bars. There has to be a happy medium somewhere out there, right?
My friend Carie was visiting from Minneapolis this weekend and I knew we’d be at bars and restaurants the whole time, but I think I did the best job possible. I stuck to egg whites with tomatoes instead of potatoes and a ½ slice of wheat toast for our brunches, sushi with no mayo, sauces or cream cheese and sashimi for dinner and limited myself to very, very few vodka sodas at the bar. Surprisingly, it was doable. Granted, I didn’t have everything I wanted, but I felt like I stuck to the diet for the most part all weekend.
My workouts did fall the wayside though. Since I had Carie with me, I didn’t hit the gym at all this weekend and I feel bloated and tired. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually looking forward to working out with Rob tomorrow. I need one hell of an ass kicking. And the good news is that I have a low-key week planned so I’ll be fully committed to the diet and exercise routine all week.
As well as I think I did over the crazy weekend, I’m pretty sure I didn’t lose any weight. That’s frustrating. There has to be a balance where I can lose weight and not be in seclusion.
Help?
My friend Carie was visiting from Minneapolis this weekend and I knew we’d be at bars and restaurants the whole time, but I think I did the best job possible. I stuck to egg whites with tomatoes instead of potatoes and a ½ slice of wheat toast for our brunches, sushi with no mayo, sauces or cream cheese and sashimi for dinner and limited myself to very, very few vodka sodas at the bar. Surprisingly, it was doable. Granted, I didn’t have everything I wanted, but I felt like I stuck to the diet for the most part all weekend.
My workouts did fall the wayside though. Since I had Carie with me, I didn’t hit the gym at all this weekend and I feel bloated and tired. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually looking forward to working out with Rob tomorrow. I need one hell of an ass kicking. And the good news is that I have a low-key week planned so I’ll be fully committed to the diet and exercise routine all week.
As well as I think I did over the crazy weekend, I’m pretty sure I didn’t lose any weight. That’s frustrating. There has to be a balance where I can lose weight and not be in seclusion.
Help?
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Sweet, Glorious Bread
Eating like a caveman is hellish. My three favorite foods are bread, wine and cheese, all of which I can’t consume on the diet. That sucks. Hard. Life without B, W & C is, quite simply, boring.
Now that M & I have been caveman dieting for well over a month, Rob granted us permission to eat some carbs here and there. THANK GOD! Of course, we need to either eat them early in the day or right after our workouts and we shouldn’t eat them every day, but just knowing that I can finally, FINALLY eat a turkey sandwich is the best news I’ve heard in a really long time.
To celebrate my new-found freedom, I promptly went to Jewel and bought a loaf of the Healthy Life bread that’s only 35 calories a slice. Upon my arrival home, I made myself some scrambled egg whites and 2 slices of the diet bread. It was pure heaven.
Now I just need to figure out when I can start eating cheese and drinking wine again….
Now that M & I have been caveman dieting for well over a month, Rob granted us permission to eat some carbs here and there. THANK GOD! Of course, we need to either eat them early in the day or right after our workouts and we shouldn’t eat them every day, but just knowing that I can finally, FINALLY eat a turkey sandwich is the best news I’ve heard in a really long time.
To celebrate my new-found freedom, I promptly went to Jewel and bought a loaf of the Healthy Life bread that’s only 35 calories a slice. Upon my arrival home, I made myself some scrambled egg whites and 2 slices of the diet bread. It was pure heaven.
Now I just need to figure out when I can start eating cheese and drinking wine again….
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